I got my way
I was just discussing with hubby about the car we will buy. I told him that I also want to buy a new one so that we don’t need to check engine light so often like we do now with the second hand van that we bought for the farm.
We were looking at several cars, something like Toyota Camry would be a bit too small for the 12 kids I plan on having . We need a big car like a van or a hummer 
. We first looked a Toyota Hi Ace but then I remembered that I saw something similarly big in Ford, the E-150 which I really really like. I told him to check it out and too.
I am happy he liked it because that’s what I already chosen in my mind as it kinda looked a bit like the Hummer. I am sure this car wiill be with us for a very long time as hubby is a pretty good driver. In the 7 years that we are married, not once did we ever had to bring his car to an auto repair shop.
Happy Mode
After my rant the other day, I decided it’s time to really put some effort and get my happy mode back. Andrea said in her comment, try to focus on other things you love. I thought about it and now I am doing those things I love like cooking, baking, and looking at photographs I have taken and I think it is helping. I love what she said too:
Always remember that there is more to you and more to your life than just being a mom.
Thank you for reminding me Andrea. I guess I sort of got obsessed in getting pregnant and stopped enjoying and appreciating other things I have in my life.
I am now busying myself with the preparations of our upcoming relocation. We will be moving for good to the Philippines. I am already excited. There would be a lot to do in this move but I don’t mind.
Why I haven’t been writing much here
As I look at my entries the last couple of months, I see that most were paid posts or memes. Well it is becaus I have been feeling down on 
and off lately for several months now and had no energy to write anything that made sense. Do you know what I mean?
I try to fight this dreaded state to the best of my ability, believe me. I try to think of things to do and plan stuff but sometimes the day pass by and I haven’t really accomplished anything. Sometimes my husband would ask me to do something and I will say yes but end up forgetting about it which will lead to some arguments.
Some of the things that I suspect to cause me to be in this mode was the first ever pregnancy that didn’t push through and then, just this January a failed embryo transfer, it was difficult for me. I tried to recover from the grief as soon as I can, I try live my life as normal as I can.
I do stuff to keep my mind from dwelling on my lost so I went ahead with the holiday we have already planned and then went on a few more afterwards. I try my best to be in a happy mode despite the negative thoughts that come once in awhile. My hubby is a great support as always. Whenever he sees I am not my normal self, he cheers me up. He’s the reason why I keep going.
What I want right now is to be back with my happy self, I know it’s up to me to pick myself up but why am I having such a hard time. Any advice you can give?
