Happy Mode
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After my rant the other day, I decided it’s time to really put some effort and get my happy mode back. Andrea said in her comment, try to focus on other things you love. I thought about it and now I am doing those things I love like cooking, baking, and looking at photographs I have taken and I think it is helping. I love what she said too:
Always remember that there is more to you and more to your life than just being a mom.
Thank you for reminding me Andrea. I guess I sort of got obsessed in getting pregnant and stopped enjoying and appreciating other things I have in my life.
I am now busying myself with the preparations of our upcoming relocation. We will be moving for good to the Philippines. I am already excited. There would be a lot to do in this move but I don’t mind.
Why I haven’t been writing much here
As I look at my entries the last couple of months, I see that most were paid posts or memes. Well it is becaus I have been feeling down on 
and off lately for several months now and had no energy to write anything that made sense. Do you know what I mean?
I try to fight this dreaded state to the best of my ability, believe me. I try to think of things to do and plan stuff but sometimes the day pass by and I haven’t really accomplished anything. Sometimes my husband would ask me to do something and I will say yes but end up forgetting about it which will lead to some arguments.
Some of the things that I suspect to cause me to be in this mode was the first ever pregnancy that didn’t push through and then, just this January a failed embryo transfer, it was difficult for me. I tried to recover from the grief as soon as I can, I try live my life as normal as I can.
I do stuff to keep my mind from dwelling on my lost so I went ahead with the holiday we have already planned and then went on a few more afterwards. I try my best to be in a happy mode despite the negative thoughts that come once in awhile. My hubby is a great support as always. Whenever he sees I am not my normal self, he cheers me up. He’s the reason why I keep going.
What I want right now is to be back with my happy self, I know it’s up to me to pick myself up but why am I having such a hard time. Any advice you can give?
My lips turned blue
Last night though has been a very scary night for me. When I thought I have been already recovering, I got chills just before we were about to go a to bed. I was thrilling from the cold. I have never had this before and it was scary! My lips turned blue !
I went to take a warm bath but the water was not warm enough yet …I was hyperventilating. My husband kept telling me to calm down and breathe through my nose. Because if I continue breathing through my mouth, I will lose consciousness. Since the water was not warm enough I just hold on to my husband’s body to get a bit warm, I was thrilling all the time. I tried to calm down and breath through my nose like my hubby instructed me.
Hubby brought me to bed and covered me in blankets while I waited for the water to get warm. He called me when the water was already warm and stayed with me till I was done. I did felt better after the shower.
We were wondering what could have caused this. I have throat infection, so my lips turning blue was very unexpected. We went to sleep when I felt better. Around 1 am, I woke up because I was feeling warm, when I checked my temperature it was 40 celsius. I was freaking out because I know that this is high… and what if it goes even higher ? I took something for my fever went back to sleep and hoped I don’t die in my sleep…I am not ready to die yet.
At around 6 am I woke up and I was all wet with sweat but I feel good. I think I am ok now, I feel better anyway than I have felt in the last couple of days. Thanks to the caring hands of my dear hubby. I am so lucky to have a husband like him.
I am happy to be alive! This is like a wake up call for me. I now will always take my vitamins, eat more greens and do some more physical activities.
